"Blue Bayou" midi
And More . . . .
Boudreaux The "Druggist"
Boudreaux got his first job ever at the drug store in Catahoula. However, Boudreaux, not being too smart, had trouble finding the items customers would ask for. After several customers stormed out of the drug store without their merchandise, the druggist told Boudreaux, "Look, you are costing me too much business. The next customer that you don't sell something to, will be the last straw. I'm going to have to let you go."
A few minutes later, in walks Thibodeaux, looking for something for a bad cough. Boudreaux looks and looks, but can't find the cough medicine, so, knowing this is his last chance to keep his job, sells Thibodeaux some Ex-Lax, and tells him to take the whole box at one time. Thibodeaux's cough is so bad that he pays for the Ex-Lax, and takes the whole box before leaving the store. After he leaves, the druggist tells Boudreaux, "Well, that's better. I see you finally sold something. What did that customer want ?" Boudreaux replies, "Well, he wanted some cough medicine, but I couldn't find it, so I sold him some Ex-Lax." The druggist screams at Boudreaux, "Ex-Lax won't help his cough !" Boudreaux answers, "Aw, yeh, it helped him ! Look at him leaning on that post outside. He's afraid to cough !"
The Louisiana State Trooper
Thibodeaux was driving his pickumup truck down the levee pretty fast one day. A Louisiana State Trooper spotted Thibodeaux, and took off after him, but Thibodeaux just kept going faster and faster. The trooper turned his lights and siren on, but Thib just kept going. After about twenty miles, Thibodeaux ran out of gas, and had to stop. The trooper jumped out of his car yelling at Thibodeaux, "Why didn't you stop ? I know you saw me !" Thibodeaux replies, "Mais, Ossifer, I'm truly sorry for dat. But you see, a few years ago my wife, Clotile, she ran off wid a state trooper, and when I saw you, I thought you was him tryin' to bring her back. So I was tryin' to get away fast !"
Boudreaux Sells His Boat
Thibodeaux sees Boudreaux putting signs up all over town saying "Boat for sale". Thibodeaux says, "Mais Boudreaux, what you mean 'boat for sale' ? You ain't got no boat. All you got is a tractor and a pickumup truck." Boudreaux says, "Mais, yeh, and dey boat for sale."
The Late Night Phone Call
Around two A.M., Boudreaux is awakened by a phone call. After a few seconds, he slams the receiver down. Marie, says, "Mais Boudreaux, who dat was at dis time of de morning ?" Boudreaux replies, "Dat damn Thibodeaux. He knows I got out of de Coast Guard twenty years ago. Why you tink he calling here to find out if de coast is clear ?"
Thibodeaux Pays His Debt
Boudreaux & Thibodeaux, and their wives, Marie & Clotile, decided to get together to play some booray (Cajun card game) the other night. After a couple of hours of card playing and beer drinking, Boudreaux had to answer the "call of nature", so he got up to go to the bathroom. About the same time, Clotile went to the kitchen to get them some more beer. While Thibodeaux and Marie were alone, the beer was making Thibodeaux start to feel a little amorous, and he started talking trash with Marie. He remarked how good looking he thought she was, and of course, one thing led to another, and he finally suggested that they should do "the big nasty" together sometime. Marie reminded him that he and Boudreaux were best friends, and that she didn't think that would be right. Well, of course, Thibodeaux kept trying, finally offering her a hundred bucks for the deed. Well, this was too much for Marie to pass up, so she agreed. They planned to meet the next day while Boudreaux was at work, and take care of business. Bright and early the next morning, Thibodeaux shows up at Marie and Boudreaux's house, and he and Marie pass them a good time all day long. Later he gives Marie the hundred bucks and leaves. A couple of hours later, Boudreaux gets home from work and asks Marie if Thibodeaux had been by during the day. Marie, a little surprised, nervously tells him yes. Boudreaux then asks her if Thibodeaux gave her a hundred dollars. Marie, real nervous now, tells him yes. Boudreaux says, "Mais, dat Thibodeaux, I can always count on him, yeh. Yestiday, he borrow a hundred dollars from me, and he promise dat he would pass by and drop it off for me before I got home today !"
Boudreaux, the Zookeeper
Thibodeaux saw Boudreaux sitting on his front porch the other morning. He stops and asks Boudreaux what he's doing at home in the middle of the day instead of being at his job at the zoo. Boudreaux tells him he got fired yesterday. Thibodeaux says, "Mais, dat's too bad, Boudreaux. I thought you was doin' real good over der. Why dey fired you ?" Boudreaux tells him, "Well, I really don't know. De owner of de zoo told me to put up some signs telling about all de animals, so I did. And I put up all de signs wid de best recipes I could think of for each one of dem, and dat's when he fired me !"
A Day At The Casino
Boudreaux and Thibodeaux decided to go to the new casino and make a day of playing the slots. After they had been there for a couple of hours, they got seperated. Several hours later, Boudreaux saw Thibodeaux walking around with a big bucket full of quarters. Boudreaux says, "Hey Thibodeaux. It looks like you been passing a pretty good time der. Man I ain't had me no luck atall, me. How you win all dem quarters ?" Thibodeaux replied, "Mais Boudreaux, I found me dis machine dat paid off everytime I put my money in it. Every time I put a dollar in it, I won four quarters !"
What's In The Sack ?
Boudreaux spots Thibodeaux walking down the levee the other day, carrying a sack over his shoulder. Well of course, curiosity got the best of Boudreaux, and he asked Thibodeaux, "Hey, Mon Homme, what you got in dat sack ?" Thibodeaux says, "Mais, I got me some chickens in dat sack." Boudreaux says, "If I can guess how many chickens you got in dat sack, can I have one of dem ?" Thibodeaux replies, "Mais, my fren, if you can guess how many I got, you can have both of dem!"
Officer Boudreaux, The Traffic Cop
Officer Boudreaux was out patroling on the levee by Catahoula the other day, when he spotted Thibodeaux driving along and weaving all over the road. Knowing how Thibodeaux likes to indulge in some "liquid refreshments" at all hours of the day and night, Officer Boudreaux figured he could add to his ticket count, and get a good D.W.I. "bust" at the same time, so he pulls Thibodeaux over.
Officer Boudreaux walks up to Thibodeaux's pickumup truck, and advises him that he will have to take a breath test.
Thibodeaux says, "Mais, I'm so sorry, but I have asthma real bad, me, an' if I blow too hard, I'm gonna have me a real bad attack."
So Officer Boudreaux tells him, "Well, OK, then I'm gonna give you a blood test."
Thibodeaux says, "Oh, I'm so sorry, but I have hemophillia, too. If you take some blood, I could bleed to death."
Officer Boudreaux, getting just a little frustrated, tells Thibodeaux, "Well then, I will need a urine sample to test."
Thibodeaux says, "I am truly sorry, but I also have diabetes, and if I do dat, my blood-sugar will drop real low."
Officer Boudreaux says, "Well, OK, then come over here and walk dis line for me."
Thibodeaux replies, "Mais, I'm sorry, I can't do dat either." Officer Boudreaux, really mad now, screams, "And why not?"
Thibodeaux answers, "Mais, because, I'm too drunk !"
The Pole Installers
The local telephone company finally decided to install telephones all the way to Catahoula. They needed to hire someone to install the poles down the levee, so they bid out the work, but received only two equal bids, one from some guys in Port Arthur, and the other from the Boudreaux & Thibodeaux Construction Co. In order to decide who to give the job to, they decided to see which company would do the best job, so they gave them a hands-on test. They had the company from Texas install poles down one side of the levee, and Boudreaux & Thibodeaux do the other side. Later that day the phone company man went out to check their progress, and saw that the Texans had installed about thirty poles, but B & T had only put in five. The company rep asked Boudreaux why they were so slow. Boudreaux explained, "Yeh, dey did alot more poles den we did, but look how much dey left sticking out de ground."
Boudreaux, The Hunter
Thibodeaux was standing on his dock the other morning, and saw Boudreaux coming down the bayou in his pirogue. Boudreaux stopped to visit for a minute. Thibodeaux noticed that Boudreaux had some rolls of duct tape in his boat, and asked, "Mais what you doin' wid dat duct tape ?" Boudreaux says, "Mais, I'm going duck hunting." Thibodeaux tells him, "You can't get no ducks wid duct tape." Boudreaux says, "We'll see." That afternoon, Boudreaux passes back by with a boat full of ducks.
The next morning, Boudreaux comes by again, and Thibodeaux sees that Boudreaux has some Nutra-sweet in the boat. He asks him, "What you doin' wit dat Nutra-sweet ?" Boudreaux says, "Mais, I'm goin' hunt for some nutria to make a stew." Thibodeaux tells him, "You ain't gonna get no nutria wid dat Nutra-sweet." Boudreaux replies, "We'll see." That afternoon, Boudreaux passes by, and sure enough, his pirogue is full of nutria.
Again the next morning, same routine, Boudreaux passes by and Thibodeaux asks him what he has in his pirogue today. Boudreaux tells him, "Mais, dats some pussy willows." Thibodeaux tells him, "Hold on for a minute. I'm goin' get my coat. I'm coming with you today, for sure !"
Boudreaux's New Dog
Boudreaux and Thibodeaux were sitting around the other Sunday when Boudreaux's new dog came out from under the porch. Thibodeaux, looking at the dog, tells Boudreaux, "Man, I ain't never seen a dog like dat. What kind is it ?" Boudreaux replies, "Mais, dat's a summer dog !" Thibodeaux says, "Mais, what kinda dog is dat, a summer dog ? I never heard of dat kind of dog." Boudreaux answers, "Yeh, dat's a summer dog. Summer dis and summer dat !"
Marie Did It Again
Boudreaux gets home from the fields another time, and Marie tells him, "Boudreaux, I tink your truck got some water in de carburetor." Boudreaux asks her when that happened. Marie tells him, "Well, it musta happened when I drove de truck into Bayou Benoit dis afternoon."
Who's Got The Ugliest Wife ?
Hebert, Boudreaux & Thibodeaux were sitting in a bar one Saturday afternoon, when the conversation came around to who had the ugliest wife. They each bet ten dollars that they had the ugliest wife. But how to settle the bet ? They decided that the only way was to go to each other's house and look at the three women, then they could decide who wins the bet. First they went to Hebert's house, and he called his wife out onto the front porch. They all agreed that she was, indeed ugly. Next they went to Boudreaux's and called Marie out. They all agreed that she was uglier than Hebert's wife. They then went to Thibodeaux's place, and when Thibodeaux called for Clotile to come see, she hollered back, "OK, you want me to put the sack over my head first ?" Thibodeaux yelled back, "No, Clotile, I don't want to fool around, I just wants to win a bet !"
Boudreaux & Thibodeaux's Punishment
Boudreaux & Thibodeaux died and went to hell. (That makes more sense.) When they got there, the devil told Boudreaux that since he was so bad in his life that he would have to spend eternity with an ugly woman. Boudreaux said, "Well, OK, I guess I gotta pay for my sins." The next day Boudreaux is walking around with the ugliest woman ever created, (uglier than Marie ever was), and he spotted Thibodeaux walking around with Cindy Crawford. Boudreaux is outraged and looks for the devil to complain. "Hey, Mr. Devil ! How come I gots to have an ugly woman, and Thibodeaux was jus' as bad as me, maybe worser, but he gets to spend eternity wid Cindy Crawford ?" The devil replies, "Boudreaux, who do you think you are to question Cindy Crawford's punishment ?"
Boudreaux & Thibodeaux Go Fishing
Boudreaux and Thibodeaux got up real early one morning to go fishing at the lake near their house. When they get there, still in the dark, they remember that the best fishing spot is across the lake, but they didn't bring their pirogue with them. They are trying to figure out how to get across to the other side, when Boudreaux has a brain storm. "I tell you what, Thib. I'll shine my flashlight on the water, and you walk across on de beam of light." Thibodeaux tells him, "Mais, you must tink I'm stoopid, or sumting ! I know you before today, yeh. Jus when I get halfway across, you gonna turn off de light ."
Boudreaux & Thibodeaux Go To Mexico
Boudreaux and Thibodeaux were taking a trip to Mexico and wanted to make a lil' extra money. So dey took with them "Bunjy-Jumping". They bought one of those big, long cords. When they got to Mexico, they found a real high cliff. Boudreaux tied one end of the cord to Thibodeaux and the other to a tree. Thibodeaux jumped. When he came back up, he had a red mark on his face. B. asked him if he hit the ground and he said no, but they shortened the cord anyway. They wouldn't want their customers hitting the ground. T. jumped again. When he came back up, his face was even more bruised up. Again, T. denied ever hitting the ground, but they shortened the cord some more. T. jumped a third time. When he bounced up, his face was full of blood. B. asked him if he hit the ground. T. replied, "No, Boudreaux, I didn't hit de ground, but please tell me what a pinata is!"
Boudreaux, The Lumberjack
Boudreaux went to the north woods to get a job as a lumberjack. The boss took one look at this little skinny Cajun, laughed, and told him that he didn't look like much of a lumberjack. Boudreaux tells him, "Mais, just give me a chance to show you what I can do before you decide." The boss says, "Well, OK, you see that big Redwood over there ? Cut it down." About ten minutes later, the boss hears a big crash, looks out of his window, and sees the big tree on the ground with Boudreaux standing on top of it. The boss couldn't believe what he was looking at. He asks Boudreaux where he learned to chop trees like that. Skinny little Boudreaux tells him, "In de Mojave Forest !" The boss says, "You mean the Mojave Desert ?" Boudreaux says, "Oh, yeh, sure, dat's what dey calls it now !"
Boudreaux, The Bear Hunter
Boudreaux, Thibodeaux, and Hebert were at their hunting camp getting ready for the big hunt the next morning. Boudreaux tells them that he is going to go alone in the morning, because he hunts better by himself. The next morning, bright and early the great hunters head off in different directions. That afternoon, Thibodeaux and Hebert return to camp after not having any luck, to find Boudreaux already back with a big old bear he had shot, one bullet hole, right between the eyes. They tell Boudreaux, "Whooee, you mus' be a hell of a good shot." Boudreaux says, "Mais, I told y'all, I hunt better by myself." The next day, bright and early, same thing, they all head off in different directions. That afternoon, same thing, Thibodeaux and Hebert didn't get anything, but Boudreaux comes back with another bear, one bullet, right between the eyes. Thibodeaux and Hebert, can't believe that Boudreaux is that good. Again the next morning before dawn, same thing, they head out in different directions to try their luck. That afternoon, they return to camp, Thibodeaux and Hebert, emptyhanded, but Boudreaux got himself a third bear. Thibodeaux looks at the bear, and notices that there are three bullet holes in this one, one between the eyes, and one in each front paw. Thibodeaux, exclaims, "Hah, Boudreaux, I knew you wasn't dat good a shot. It took you three shots to get dis one !" Boudreaux calmly tells him, "No, I only shot once. You see, it was still dark when I shot dis one. I put my flashlight up to shoot him, and de light was in his face, so he put up his paws to cover his eyes, and dat's when I shot !"
Marie Is In Labor
Boudreaux calls Dr. Broussard screaming, "Doc, my wife, Marie, she's in labor, and her "pains" are jus' two minutes apart! What I gotta do ?" Dr. Broussard asks, "Is this her first child ?" Boudreaux screams back, "Mais no, you couyon ! This is her damn husband !"
Boudreaux And The Aggies
Boudreaux was sitting in the City Bar in Maurice, La. one Saturday night, and had several beers under his belt. After a while, he looks at the guy sitting next to him, and asks him, "Hey, you wanna hear a good Aggie joke, you ?" The big guy replies, "Let me tell you something. I'm an oilfield roughneck, I weigh 270 pounds, and I don't like Cajuns. My buddy here is a pro football player, weighs 300 pounds, and he doesn't like Cajuns either. His friend on his other side, is a professional wrestler, weighs 320 pounds, always has a chip on his shoulder, and he likes Cajuns even less than we do, and we are all Aggies. Do you really want to tell us an Aggie joke ?" Boudreaux, all 150 pounds of Cajun attitude, tells him, "Mais, I guess not. After all I don't want have to explain it three times !"
Boudreaux stayed out partying all night last Friday night. He just knew that Marie would really be mad when he got home, so he decided to bring her a present. He stopped at one of those ladies' specialty shops and asked the clerk for something nice and sexy to bring to his wife. The young lady comes out with a flesh colored see-through nightie, and told him that ladies really love these. So Boudreaux told her to wrap it, that he would take it. Arriving home, sure enough, Marie was fuming at him for being out all night. Boudreaux tells her, "Mais, Cher, I spent all night looking for a present for you, and here it is. Go try it on."
Marie goes into the bedroom, and opening the box, is so happy that Boudreaux bought her such a nice gift, decided to forgive him. Looking at the nightie, she figures that if Boudreaux brought her something so sexy, he must be "in the mood", so she decides not to wear it, and just go back out without anything on. Standing in the doorway in the sexiest pose she could muster up asks, "Well, Boudreaux, what you tink ?" Boudreaux replies, "Mais, you would tink dat for as much as I paid for dat nightie, dey could at least have ironed de wrinkles out of it."
Boudreaux's New Airplane
Boudreaux bought himself a new cropduster airplane last week. He called Thibodeaux to come by to see it. Thibodeaux gets there and says, "Whooee, Boudreaux, dat's a nice airplane. You can take me for a little ride in it ?" Boudreaux tells him of course he can, but he needs Thibodeaux's help to start it. "Thibodeaux, I'll get in the cockpit, and when I tell you, catch hold of dat propeller, and pull down on it real hard to start the motor, den we'll take off." So Thibodeaux does as he was told, Boudreaux yells, "Contact !", and Thibodeaux pulls real hard on the propeller. Well the engine starts right away, Thibodeaux (still hanging on to the propeller) goes round and round several times, then flies about a hundred feet, landing in a pile of cow manure. Boudreaux stops the plane, jumps out and runs over to Thibodeaux. "Thibodeaux, you alright ? What happened ?" Thibodeaux gets up slowly, saying, "Dammit, Boudreaux, you didn't told me I had to let go !"
Boudreaux Takes St. Peter's Place
Boudreaux recently died and went to Heaven. (Can't figure that one out.) When he got to the pearly gates, St. Peter was standing there, and told Boudreaux that he would have to pass one final test before he could come in. Boudreaux tells St. Peter, "Mais, Pete, you knows I don't have too much edication, but I'll try my best." St. Peter tells Boudreaux to spell "LOVE". Boudeaux thinks for a while and says, "Well, I tink it gots a 'L' in it, 'L-U', no, 'L-O-O-V', no 'L-O-V', 'L-O-V-E', dats it." St. Peter tells him he did OK, and he can enter Heaven. A couple of months later, St. Peter calls Boudreaux to the gate and tells him, "Boudreaux, I have to run a little errand. Can you watch the gate for me ?" Well of course Boudreaux tells him sure. A few minutes later, Boudreaux's wife shows up, having just passed on, and Boudreaux can't believe his eyes. Marie is back to torment him, even in Heaven. So he tells Marie that she would have to pass a little test in order to get in. Marie tells him OK. Boudreaux tells her, "OK, Marie, spell 'CZECHOSLOVAKIA' " !
(Contributed by Sheriff G. )
The Thermos Bottle
Boudreaux had moved to the big city of N'Awlins about six months ago to work at a new job. Thibodeaux was getting lonesome for his old friend, and decided to go visit him. When he got to where Boudreaux worked, he found that his buddy was working in a tall building with a lot of big offices. When he finally found Boudreaux, he was sitting in one of those offices, with his feet propped up on a big desk, looking very successful. Thibodeaux remarked, "Whooee, Boudreaux, you look like you done arright for yousef. How you get so rich looking ?" Boudreaux tells him, "Mais, Thib, I done went and invented something dat everybody needs, and I call it a 'termos' bottle." Thibodeaux asked him what that is. So Boudreaux explained that it's something that keeps your hot stuff hot, and cold stuff cold. A couple of days later, Thibodeaux goes back by the office, the proud owner of a brand new "termos" bottle. Boudreaux tells him, "Thib, I see you went and got you one of dem 'termos' bottles; dat's nice. What you got in it ?" Thibodeaux says, "Mais like you told me it keeps hot stuff hot, and cold stuff cold, so I poured myself some chili and a 'pop rouge' in it."
Boudreaux Won The Lottery--Again
Boudreaux called Marie on the phone and said "Mais cher, I just won the lottery so pack your bags! Marie exclaimed "Thats great Boudreaux, but I don't know whether to pack for the heat or the cold!" Boudreaux says "Mais, I don't care what you pack as long as you are out of the house when I get there."
Thibodeaux's Black Eyes
The other day, Boudreaux saw Thibodeaux walking by his house, and hollered at him to stop for a little visit. When Thibodeaux got a little closer, Boudreaux noticed that he had two black eyes. Lack of curiosity not being one of Boudreaux's virtues, naturally he inquired as to how Thibodeaux received the two black eyes. Thibodeaux tells him, "Mais, I got dem by being a nice guy !" Boudreaux says, "Mais, what you mean 'By being a nice guy ?' How does being a nice guy got you two black eyes ?" Thibodeaux says "Well I was in church yestiday morning, sitting behind Ms. Hebert, and when she stood up, I saw dat her dress was stuck up her behind. So I pulled it out for her, and she turn around and sock me in the eye." Boudreaux says, "Mais yeh, dat explains one black eye, but how you got de other one ?" Thibodeaux tells him, "Dat's when I tried to be a nice guy. I figured she wanted her dress up dere, so I tried to put it back in for her !"
The Job Interview
Boudreaux and Thibodeaux went down to the crawfish plant to apply for a job. The manager told them the first thing they would have to do is take a written test. About two hours later they finished the test, and the manager scored them. A few minutes later he came back in the room and told them that they had both passed the test, but he would only hire Boudreaux. Thibodeaux jumped up and hollered, "Mais if we both passed de test, how come Boudreaux gets hired, and I don't ?" The manager tells him, "Well because of the last question on the test. Boudreaux answered, 'I don't know', and you answered 'Me neither' !"
Thibodeaux Meets Jesus
Thibodeaux stopped by Boudreaux's house the other morning. He looked like hell. His clothes were all torn and shredded, he was all scratched and cut up, and in general, a bloody mess. Boudreaux naturally asked him what happened. Thibodeaux told him, "Mais, I got drunk and got home kinda late last night, and by mistook, I went into de wrong house. Well, while I was trying to walk through de dark house, I heard dis voice say, 'Jesus is watching you.' I walked a little more, and I heard dat voice again, 'Jesus is watching you.' Well I figured it was time to turn on de light, and dat's when I saw dis parrot bird, and de parrot bird was saying 'Jesus is watching you.' I told de parrot bird dat he was sure a smart bird and axed him what his name was. He told me his name is Phred. I axed Phred, Mais what dumb_ss named a smart bird like you 'Phred' ?" Dat's when he told me, "De same dumb_ss dat named de pit bull behind you 'Jesus' !"
Boudreaux was out of town on business a couple of weeks ago. Thibodeaux took advantage of the situation, and went to spend a little "quality time" with Boudreaux's wife, Marie. Late one night, while Thibodeaux and Marie were enjoying each other's company, they heard Boudreaux's truck pull into the yard. Marie says, "Oh, no, Boudreaux came home early. Go stand in the corner, be real still, and pretend you're a statue !" She put baby oil all over him, and then sprinkled talcum powder on him. Boudreaux walks in and spots the "statue", and asks Marie what it is. Marie tells him, "Mais, de Hebert's got 'em a statue, and when I saw it, I liked it so much, I got us one, too." They went on to bed, and later that night, Boudreaux got up, went into the kitchen, and came back with a sandwich and a glass of milk. "Here", he said to Thibodeaux, "have something to eat. I stood in de corner at Hebert's house looking like a damn statue for three days, and nobody even offered me a glass of water !"
The Cajun Chain Saw
Boudreaux was down at the Montgomery Wards at Northgate Mall looking at the hand saws and the pas partouts(sp). The salesman came up and asked if he could help. Boudreaux said he had a lot of trees to cut down and needed a new saw. The salesman began to extoll the virtues and advantages of a new Huskavera chain saw with a 42 inch blade and told Boudreaux that he could cut dem trees down fast, fast. Boudreaux bought the saw and left, only to return two days later telling the salesman that this was the slowest saw he had ever heard of and that he had spent two days cutting and had only manage to fell 10 trees. He wanted his money back. The salesman was nonplussed and said, "Let me check dis tang out." He proceeded to set the choke and pump the little plastic bulb, just as he had told Boudreax to do. Then he set the throttle and jerked the cord. The saw started immediately. Boudreaux jumped back and said "What the hell is that noise?"
Everybody Knows Boudreaux
Boudreaux and Thibodeaux were driving around one Saturday, and everywhere they passed, people would wave and holler, "Hey, Boudreaux !" After a while, this started aggravating Thibodeaux, who asked, "Boudreaux, is der anybody dat doesn't know you ?" Boudreaux tells him, "Well, no, I tink just about everybody knows Boudreaux." Thibodeaux says, "I bet de Governor don't know you." Boudreaux says, "Well let's take a ride to Baton Rouge, and see." When they drive by the state capitol, they see the governor getting into his limo, and he spots Boudreaux, and yells, "Hey Boudreaux. How you been, my friend ?"
Thibodeaux is amazed. He says, "Well dat was nuttin. I'll bet de president don't know you." A couple of weeks later, it just so happens that they were in Washington, D.C. (Lord knows why), and when they drove past the White House, naturally, the Pres. was walking around in the front yard, saw them pass by and hollered, "Hey Boudreaux, how you and Marie been ? Long time no see !" Thibodeaux is flabbergasted, and says, "Well dat's de ultimate. I know nobody more important den dat knows you !"
Several weeks go by, and for some unknown reason, they end up in Rome, where Boudreaux tells Thibodeaux, "Oh yeh, by de way, de Pope knows me, too." Thibodeaux tells him, "Boudreaux, now I knows dat you full of it. I know de Pope don't know you." Boudreaux tells him that he'll be right back, and walked right into the Vatican. A few minutes later, two men appear on the second floor balcony, waving to the crowd. A man standing next to Thibodeaux asks him, "Excuse me, I know that's Boudreaux up there on the right, but who is that man in the white robe standing next to him ?"
Thibodeaux Gets A Physical
Thibodeaux just turned 70 the other day, and decided to go see Dr. Boudreaux for a physical. All of his tests came back OK. Dr. Boudreaux told him, "Thib, everything looks great physically. How you doin' mentally and emotionally ? Are you at peace with yourself ? How are you spiritually ?" Thibodeaux replies, "Aw, Doc, spiritually, I'm doin' great. Me and God are real tight. God takes real good care of me. In fact, when I gets up in de middle of de night to use de bathroom, when I walk in God turns de light on for me. And when I finish, He turns off de light for me." Dr. Boudreaux tells him, "Mais, Thib, dats great." Later that day, after he had thought about it for awhile, it started bothering the Doc, thinking that maybe Thibodeaux was imagining things, so he called Mrs. Thibodeaux to check if Thibodeaux was alright. "Clotile, Thib is just fine physically, but I'm a little worried about him mentally. He told me that everytime he gets up at night to go to the bathroom, God turns on the light for him, and when he goes back to bed, God turns the light off again." Clotile replied, "Dat damn Thibodeaux, he's peeing in de refrigerator again !"
"Tee" Boudreaux's "Education"
Well, "Tee" Boudreaux is now 16, and Boudreaux decided it was time for him to learn the facts of life. He takes him to the local house of ill repute, which is fronted by a beauty parlor. He introduces Tee to the madam, and explains that it's time for his indoctrination to sex. The madam says, "Boudreaux, you've been such a good customer over the years, I'm going to take care of him personally." So she takes Tee by the hand and leads him upstairs, where she completes his deflowering. Later, as they are walking downstairs the madam says, "Since this is your first time, I'm going to see that you get the full treatment before you leave. I'm going to give you a manicure." About two weeks later Tee and his Poppa run into the madam on Main street. Tee is acting a little shy, so the madam smiles and says, "Well, Tee, don't you remember me?" Tee stutters, "Yes, Ma'am, I sure do. You're the lady that gave me the crabs and then cut off my fingernails so I couldn't scratch 'em !"
Thibodeaux was placing some flowers on the grave of his dearly departed mother and started to leave when he noticed Boudreaux kneeling at another grave. Boudreaux seemed to be praying with profound intensity and kept repeating, "Why did you die ? Why did you die ? Why did you die ?" Thibodeaux approached Boudreaux and said, "Boudreaux, I don't wants to disturb your grief, but I ain't never seen you in pain like dis before. Who it is you in mourning for like dis ? One of you kids, you parents ?" Boudreaux took a moment to collect himself, then replied..."My wife's first husband."
Boudreaux's wife, Marie, was at the lawyer's office getting advice about a divorce. "Boudeaux wants sex all de time, Mr. Hebert. He's a maniac." Hebert asks her, "How do you mean?" "Well, Mr. Hebert," says Marie, "Jus' dis morning I was looking at de chickens when he snuck up behind me and had me from behind!" "Chickens? Mrs. Boudreaux, I didn't know you kept chickens?" "Dat's de problem. We don't have no chickens, Mr. Hebert. Dis happend in de grocery store!"
Marie Got Fooled
Boudreaux was sitting down watching the late news on TV when he hears Marie screaming in the bedroom. He runs in just in time to see a naked man jumping out of the window. He asks Marie, "Cher, what happened ?" Marie tells him, "Boudreaux, dat man jumped in bed wid me and did "de nasty" to me twice !" Boudreaux asks, "Twice !! Mais, Marie, how come you didn't scream when he was doin' it to you de first time ?" Marie tells him, "Boudreaux, I thought it was you, until he started for de second time !"
Boudreaux & Marie were at the mall the other day, when Boudreaux spotted one of those old fashioned penny scales that tell a person's weight and fortune. Stepping on the scale, Boudreaux tells Marie, "Listen to dis.", showing her the small, white card that came out of the scale, "It says here dat I is energetic, intelligent, and damn good looking." Unimpressed, Marie looks at the card and tells him, "Yeah, and it done got your weight wrong, too."