"Cajun Fiddle" Midi
Boudreaux & Thibodeaux Jokes
Note: The very newest jokes have two 's in front of them and are further down the page.
( The jokes with just one at the top of this page are from my previous posting. )
Don't Mess With Boudreaux
A very drunk patron at a bar is trying to impress everyone with his fighting ability. "I am trained in every hand-to-hand combat there is," he says. To further prove his point, he walks up to Boudreaux, who happened to be in the bar, and whops him behind the neck! "Karate chop from China," he says. Poor Boudreaux gets up off the floor and sits back in his seat, saying nothing. The big man hits him again. "Judo from Japan." L'il ol' Boudreaux once again picks himself up off the floor and continues sipping his beer. The man grabs him putting Boudreaux in a state of suspended animation. "That's a nerve pinch from Korea." After a few minutes, Boudreaux is able to move again. Instead of getting back on his bar stool he walks out. Ten minutes later he walks in with a large board in his hands and hits the drunk square in the head with the board, laying him flat out on the floor. Looking down at his tormenter, Boudreaux says, "Two-by-four from Home Depot."
There was this Hell's Angel riding down the road on his motorcycle last winter. He was wearing a leather jacket that had a broken zipper. He finally stopped the bike and thought to himself, "Man, I can't drive anymore with the cold air hitting me in my chest." So he decided to put the coat on backwards to block the air from hitting him. He continued driving and came around a bend in the road, lost control and wrecked, coincidentally, right in front of Boudreaux's house. Boudreaux happened to see what happened, and called the State Police to report the accident. The Trooper on the phone asked him, "Is the guy showing any sign of life?" "Well," Boudreaux told him, "He was until I turned his head around the right way!"
Would Marie Remarry?
"Marie," Boudreaux whispered to his wife late one night, "if I died, would you get married again?" "Mais, yeh, I guess," she replied. "Would you sleep in de same bed with him?" "Well, it's de only bed in de house, so I guess I'd have to." "Would you make love to him?" "Cher," Marie said patiently, "I guess, since he'd be my husband." "Would you give him my pickum-up truck?" "No, Boudreaux. I wouldn't never give him your pickum-up truck." she yawned, "Besides, he don't know how to drive a stick shift."
"Tee" Boudreaux Is In Love
The pretty young schoolteacher was concerned about one of her eleven year old students, "Tee" Boo. Taking him aside after class one day, she asked, " 'Tee', why has your schoolwork been so poor lately?" " Mais, I can't concentrate, Teacher !" replied :"Tee". "I done fell in love." "Oh, is that so?" said the teacher, holding back an urge to smile. "And with whom?" "Mais, wid you," he answered. "But 'Tee'," exclaimed the secretly pleased young lady, "don't you see how silly that is? It's true that I would like a husband of my own someday; but I don't want a child." "Oh, don't worry, Teacher" said "Tee" reassuringly, "I'll be careful."
Boudreaux & Marie were having their first fight, and it was a big one. After a while, Boudreaux said "When we got married, you promised to love, honor and obey." Marie replied, "I know. But I didn't want to start an argument in front of all dem people at the wedding."
Marie's Not Around
A long time ago, Boudreaux, believe it or not, was known among his friends to be very brief an to the point - he really never said too much. One day, an Avon lady knocked his door and asked to see his wife, so Boudreaux told her that Marie wasn't home. "Well," the woman said, "could I please wait for her?" Boudreaux directed her to the kitchen and left her sitting there for more than three hours. Starting to worry, she called out for him an asked, "May I ask where your wife is?" "She went to the cemetery," Boudreaux replied. "And when is she coming back?" "Mais, I really don't know," he said. "She's been der eleven years now!"
Boudreaux Wants To Play Football
Years ago, when Boudreaux was a college freshman, being fresh off the farm, and a rather healthy young man, he figured he'd try out for the football team. "Can you tackle?" asked the coach. "Watch dis," Boudreaux told him, and proceeded to run smack into a telephone pole, shattering it to splinters. "Wow," said the coach. "I'm impressed. Can you run?" "Mais, sure I can run," said Boudreaux. He was off like a shot, and, in just over nine seconds, he had run a hundred yard dash. "Great!" exclamed the excited coach. "But can you pass a football?" Boudreaux rolled his eyes, hesitated for a few seconds. "Mais, Coach," he said, "if I can swallow it, I can probably pass it."
Boudreaux's Pet Fish
After a day fishing at a lake near his house, Boudreaux is walking home carrying two big ol' fish in a bucket. He is approached by the Game Warden who asks him for his fishing license. Naturally Boudreaux doesn't have one. He says to the warden, "I didn't catch dese fishes, dey are my pets. Every day I come down to de lake and dey jump out de bucket and I let dem swim for awhile, an' when I whistles, dey jumps back in de bucket so we can go home." The warden, not believing him, reminds him that it is illegal to fish without a license. Boudreaux turns to the warden and says, "If you don't believe me den watch," as he throws the fish back into the water. The warden says, "Now whistle to your fish and show me that they will come out of the water." The fisherman turns to the warden and says with a smile, "What fish?"
An extremely large, muscular woman, wearing a sleeveless sundress, walked into a bar. She raised her right arm, revealing a huge, hairy armpit and pointed to all the men sitting at the bar and asked, "Which of you men will buy a lady a drink?" The bar went silent as the patrons tried to ignore her. At the end of the bar, was Boudreaux, a skinny little Cajun, who was as usual, VERY drunk. Boudreaux slammed his hand on the bar and said, "Give dat Ballerina a drink!" Thibodeaux, the bartender, a close friend of Boudreaux's, poured the drink and the woman chugged it down. She turned again to the patrons and pointed around at all of them, again revealing her hairy armpit, and asked, "Which of you men will buy a lady a drink?" Once again, Boudreaux slapped his hand down on the bar and said, "Give dat Ballerina anudder drink!" Thibodeaux, finally approached Boudreaux and said, "Boudreaux mah fren', I know it ain't none of my business of course if you want to buy dat lady a drink, but how come you keep callin' her a Ballerina?" Boudreaux replied, "Thibodeaux . . . to me, any woman who can lift her leg dat high gots to be a Ballerina!"
No More Free Sex
Boudreaux woke up one morning to find Marie packing her bags. "Where the heck are you going?" demanded Boudreaux. Marie replied, "You know all this free sex I've been giving you all these years? Well I just found out I can get $200 a shot for it out in Las Vegas." With that Boudreaux jumped out of bed and began packing HIS bags, too. "Where do you think you're going?" demanded Marie. "I want to see jus' how de hell you gonna be able to live on $400 a year!"
At The Bank
Boudreaux was called into his bank to discuss his accounts. "Your finances are in terrible shape," the banker stated. "Your checking account is way overdrawn, and your loan's are overdue." "Yeh, I know." said Boudreaux. "It's my wife, Marie. She's out of control." The banker asked Boudreaux, "Why do you allow your wife to spend more money than you have?" "Mais, to tell de truth, Mr. Banker," replied Boudreaux with a deep sigh, "because I'd rather argue wid you than wid her !"
Clotile Loves Thibodeaux
Boudreaux and Thibodeaux were talking yesterday. Thibodeaux had been out for a few days with the flu. Boudreaux asked him how he was feeling. "Aw I'm alot better, tanks. You know, it was a wonderful experience." he replied. Boudreaux asked "Wonderful? How can de flu be wonderful?" "Well, I learned that my Clotile really loves me. You know dat whenever the mailman came by or de milkman headed toward the door, Clotile ran out to meet dem an' I could hear her all excited, yelling at dem 'My husband is home! My husband is home!"
"Tee" Boo Does It Again
"Tee" Boudreaux came down for breakfast one morning and asked his Grandma, "Where's Mom and Dad?" and she replied, "They're up in bed." "Tee" started to giggle and ate his breakfast and went out to play. When he came back in for lunch, he asked his Grandma,"Where's Mom and Dad?" and she replied, "They're still up in bed." "Tee" again giggled, ate his lunch and went back out to play. Later, "Tee" came in for supper and once again he asked his Grandma, "Where's Mom and Dad?" and his grandmother again replied, "They're still up in bed" and "Tee" started to laugh uncontrollably. With this, his grandmother asked, "What give's? Every time I tell you they're still up in bed you start to laugh! What's so funny?" "Tee" replied, "Mais, it's like dis, Grandma. Last night Daddy came into my bedroom and asked me for de Vaseline. I gave him de super glue instead !
Let Me In
At 3 am a desk clerk at the Holiday Inn gets a phone call from a very drunk-sounding Boudreaux, asking what time the bar opens. "It opens at noon," answers the clerk. About an hour later he gets another call from an even drunker Boudreaux. "What time dussh de bar open?" he asks. "Same time as before... Noon," replies the clerk. Another hour passes and Boudreaux calls again, plastered, "Whenjoo shay the bar opins at?" The clerk getting more than a little impatient with this drunken lush answers, "I've already told you that it opens at noon, but if you absolutely can't wait, I can have room service bring something up to you." Boudreaux tells the clerk, "Mais, No... I don't want's to git in... I'm tryin' to git OUT!!!"
Boudreaux had received a summons to appear for jury duty. The judge was doing his preliminary interview of the prospective jurors, and asked them, "Is there any reason any of you could not serve as a juror in this case?" Boudreaux raised his hand and when the judge acknowledged him said, " Mais, I can't serve, Judge. I don't wants to be away from my job dat long." The judge asked him, "Can't they do without you at work?" Boudreaux answered, "Yeh, Judge, dey can do widdout me, but I jus' don't wants dem to know it."
The Road Trip
Thibodeaux used to have a job as a long-haul truck driver, and on one particular trip, had been out on the road for three straight weeks. As he is driving through Nevada, he stops into a house of ill repute just outside of Las Vegas. He walks straight up to the Madam, drops down $500 and says, "I want de ugliest woman you got in de house, and a bologna sandwich !!" The Madam is astonished. "But sir, for that kind of money you could have one of my finest ladies and a three-course meal." Thibodeaux replies, "Listen Cher, I knows what I wants. I ain't horny. I'm homesick."
A travelling salesman pulled up in front of Boudreaux and Marie's house. He got out and knocked on the door, and Marie answered. The salesman asked if she could give him directions to Baton Rouge ."Don't know," Marie said. He got back in his car and as he pulled away, he heard voices. Looking in his rearview mirror, he saw Marie and an old man waving frantically for him to come back. So he made a U-turn and drove back up to them. "This is my husband, Boudreaux", Marie tells him. "And he don't know how to get to Baton Rouge either!"
"Tee" Boo And The Alligator
One day, Marie sent her little boy "Tee" Boo down to the pond to get some water for cooking dinner. As he was dipping the bucket in the water, he saw two big eyes looking back at him from the water. He dropped the bucket and hightailed it back to the kitchen. "Now, where's my bucket and my water?" Marie asked him. "I can't get any water from that pond, Momma" cried "Tee". "There's a BIG ol' alligator down der!" "Now don't you mind that ol' alligator, "Tee". He's been there for a few years now, and he ain't never hurt nobody. Cher, he's probably as scared of you as you are of him!" "Well, Momma," replied "Tee" Boo, "if he's as scared of me as I am of him, then dat water ain't fit to drink!"
The Louisiana State Police had gotten wind that illegal cock fights were becoming big in the rural areas around Lafayette. They decided to send in Boudreaux, their best undercover detective. Boudreaux spent several weeks doing surveillance and came back to headquarters to report the results of his investigation. Boudreaux say, "Der is tree main group in dis cock fightin' bisness." "Who are dey?", his Sergeant asked. Boudreaux replies, "De Aggies, De Cajuns, an de Mafia." "How you know?", asked the sargeant? "Well," says Boudreaux, "I done seen da cock fight, Cher. I knowed da Aggies was involve when a duck was entered in de cock fight." "What about the others?" questioned the Sergeant. "Well, I knowed da Cajuns was involve when sumbody bet on da duck. You know dem Cajuns, dey drink too much an say 'Aw, what da hell?', an dey'll do anyting dats kinda crazy." "Mais, Boudreaux," axed the Sergeant, "How you know da Mafia's involve too?" Boudreaux say, "Dat's de easyiest part. De damn duck won !!"
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